It’s That Time of the Year Again…

Well, the love of my life is off interviewing for some positions as a band director today. 

The phone rang off the hook yesterday with calls and callbacks from principals.  And his mother–mostly telling him about this job and to go here and there to apply (she had obviously called someone about this).  He printed resumés and the other normal stuff you’d take to an interview.  We were in a flurry of activity this morning, but not too rushed…I had laid out his suit/tie/shirt/socks/underwear last night, and talked to him a little bit last night about his prospects.  He has two interviews for three possible positions today; one at a large program and two at small schools.  I had absolutely no words of wisdom for him, since my attempts last year flopped.  Besides that, he’s the one who nearly achieved tenure, and I was let go after only one year.

Because he is getting started, I am now that much closer to the gate.  On so many levels, this fills me with excitement.  On so many other levels, this fills me with dread.  Today has been full of flashbacks to the dumbest things I did and said in my first year on the podium. I still feel the burning shame of not being able to get it right for my kids and administration, and for that shortcoming I lost my job–after I nearly ripped myself to pieces trying to hold the program together.  Absolute horror and shame in my first year failure. I carried that shame with me to every interview last summer.  I know interviewers had to have been able to read the word plainly through my facial expressions if they asked any in-depth questions about my time at my first school; and if they couldn’t tell quite what it was, something about me may have seemed off, but nameless and therefore, not safe as a hire.  A few near misses, and it was July, the job postings dried up, and band camps started.  I watched it all go by, with an added helping of shame simply because I would not even have a chance to make it work this time.

If things go well today, we may know something soon and I’ll know more about how to feel.  All I can do for right now is pray for him to find a school that he is satisfied with (and that will have him!) that is also far enough away from the family…and get my own materials in order.  I haven’t really got my resume updated or my e-portfolio added to–until today.  I’ve been resisting the urge to even look at possibilities for myself, because I know if I’m completely ready, I’ll just be here, waiting, nagging him and chomping at the bit… 

…He called me about the first interview, and it doesn’t look so good for the big school.  Not entirely sure what they wanted in a director, but he didn’t have the best feeling about it coming out.  Maybe it was too big a jump from a 1A school to a 5A school…

Going through the interviewing process for any school’s position as band director is stressful.  The first part, waiting for postings, is stressful, since you have to go on hearsay (where sometimes the director doesn’t even know their job is in jeapordy–here, I have experience) until you finally do see some official listings.  When you sort them out in order of preference, it is sometimes impossible to figure out which school has an opening inside of the city or county system where the posts are vague, and then researching the school can be equally as hard, even if you know which school is open, because the websites are diverse and often in disarray.  After you click the apply button/submit the paper application, you may still have some waiting ahead of you…waiting for the phone to ring, that is.  If, and when you are called, it may or may not be a formality (if their director is already “picked”) but you have no way of knowing until you hear about it later.  If you are called…well, there is no formula to ace the interview, since principals and other interviewers themselves are diverse.  Basically, a good fit for the school is anyone that can manage the band’s behavior and discipline, keep students working at ALL times, responsibly organize events, finances, etc., and basically keep the program going in the right musical direction.  It is the unknown x that sells a principal on their new hire…and this factor is something that they are looking for in a band director that you cannot possibly know, and you cannot try to be. 

For now, I can only hope that he has that special something that makes a principal decide to invite him on board, and let the rest fall into place.

functionally UNEMPLOYED.

I fear that I became a statistic this summer, and I need to vent. If you read my About Me page, then you know I have a degree in education, but I am not currently teaching. It is not that I don’t want to teach anywhere. In a narrow field, it’s hard to compete for positions when you’ve got a “contract non-renewal” on your record.

Losing my job this past May hurt deeply. I have never worked so hard for positive results—primarily for my students, but also for myself, as a developing educator—in my entire life, short though it’s been. I gave everything—and I mean everything—I had to make it work. But the final decision rested with my Principal, and so it became necessary to begin the search again.

As the dust settled on the 2007-2008 school year, I hit the road (and the internet), searching for a school that would have me. A few possibilities turned to dust when the Alabama education budget didn’t pass, then eventually fell short of the funds needed. The positions simply disappeared from the job boards—or they chose not to interview a “blighted” candidate…me.

As I traveled around the state through the summer months, with dwindling confidence and rapidly disappearing savings account (gas was high, remember), I began to come to terms with the fact that I just might not have a job in education. As I reluctantly tore myself away from the hope of making whatever I did so poorly at my first school right, I knew I’d have to find a job doing something. It was very hard to quit simply trying to do something that means so much to me, and the desire to teach really drives my life. I set a cut-off date—when I could no longer afford to move and begin teaching a school year on the right note, without too much distraction.

Monster.com and Yahoo! Hot Jobs gave me some hope, as I browsed all the local jobs. It seemed like there was an abundance of decently paid jobs—many that I could do well at, with a little training. I was even willing to learn some new skills. I have to admit, it is kind of exciting to think about a career in a more “corporate” setting, even if it was only until I can get back in the classroom. And I even had some experience from my time as an administrative assistant during college. I really thought that, in a very recessed economy, the fact that I was applying for jobs slightly out my field, but with a college degree and some prior experience would send employers my way, eagerly.

Yeah…it didn’t take long for me to grow up. I was definitely going to have to go through the job search process. And I’m facing the whole range of results.

From the very beginning, there was the silence of the phone. I’d apply to four or five jobs and get nothing but silence. Then…on the glorious sixth, I’d finally get a nibble. And they e-mail or call, giving some hope. In my experience, I’ve gone to interviews only to be told there were no available positions, but that I meet the requirements to be put into the candidate pool. I’ve been told that I practically have the job, only to be told soon after that they have “decided to go another direction,” or that the position had been filled by upper management already. I’ve gone to interviews to be rejected, and reasonably so.

In one situation, after the head secretary arranged an “interview” for 2:00, she took one look at me, had me fill out an application—after which she never reappeared—the receptionist told me that I would be contacted in a few days for an interview. When that phone call never came, I couldn’t bring myself to do the follow-up call. I was raised in a military area, and as a little girl overt racism didn’t exist in the community or my realm of consciousness. While I now know that racism exists, I try not to look for it. But sometimes, I just get a feeling that I wasn’t what people expected—when their first contact with me is a cover letter or a phone conversation. It hurts me on some deep, unexplainable level when it happens.

I created applications on so many company websites, many of which never showed interest. I’m still doing it though (filled out two today), and I started keeping a notebook page with various log-ins and passwords, in an effort to keep them all straight. I have to wonder what I’m doing wrong, so I constantly tweak my resume, and carefully word every cover letter. I need a job, if only to feel some self-worth. I want to be an asset, somewhere. I want to stop being so negative about why it just “didn’t work out” with education—maybe it wasn’t supposed to. Plus, my student loans, and their lending agency, demand it.

So I took a job in fast food, but even this left me feeling functionally unemployed. Working hard, but not making much for the pay-per-hour effort. Getting excited about a 15 cent raise is the equivalent of clawing at walls if trapped in a mine shaft, so I was not happy. My bachelor’s degree definitely marked me as qualified (actually making it through college), on a really superficial level. The truth is, I’m lousy at being a QSR (quick service restaurant, as they call it in the “biz”) employee. And…I hate every shift. I don’t really feel comfortable asking for more hours or a raise when my skills aren’t up to par. My prior food service experience was way more laid back, by comparison. I do have a lot more respect for the business now that I’ve experienced it—which gives me a message for any future students I might have. If they think life will be easy when they drop out and just get a fast food job, I can attest that there is nothing like having a desk to sit down at…even for just a second between classes.

When there is a simple truth, so obvious that I would never think twice about it, I have to wonder what I can take from this experience—what I need to take from this experience. I guess I do have the heart of an educator, because I want to believe that everything I’m going through can help one of my students, someday. Or maybe, just maybe, I needed to grow up some more.

I’ll keep hoping for a job that I will be comfortable in and that will also pay the bills; one where, with some work, I can develop into a decent employee. I’ll keep moving back towards education so that I can find a group of students that I really can give what I was given in school. I have enough sense to keep trying to improve my lot. With the United States’ current situation, I guess that’s what it really is to live the “American Dream”.