It’s That Time of the Year Again…

Well, the love of my life is off interviewing for some positions as a band director today. 

The phone rang off the hook yesterday with calls and callbacks from principals.  And his mother–mostly telling him about this job and to go here and there to apply (she had obviously called someone about this).  He printed resumés and the other normal stuff you’d take to an interview.  We were in a flurry of activity this morning, but not too rushed…I had laid out his suit/tie/shirt/socks/underwear last night, and talked to him a little bit last night about his prospects.  He has two interviews for three possible positions today; one at a large program and two at small schools.  I had absolutely no words of wisdom for him, since my attempts last year flopped.  Besides that, he’s the one who nearly achieved tenure, and I was let go after only one year.

Because he is getting started, I am now that much closer to the gate.  On so many levels, this fills me with excitement.  On so many other levels, this fills me with dread.  Today has been full of flashbacks to the dumbest things I did and said in my first year on the podium. I still feel the burning shame of not being able to get it right for my kids and administration, and for that shortcoming I lost my job–after I nearly ripped myself to pieces trying to hold the program together.  Absolute horror and shame in my first year failure. I carried that shame with me to every interview last summer.  I know interviewers had to have been able to read the word plainly through my facial expressions if they asked any in-depth questions about my time at my first school; and if they couldn’t tell quite what it was, something about me may have seemed off, but nameless and therefore, not safe as a hire.  A few near misses, and it was July, the job postings dried up, and band camps started.  I watched it all go by, with an added helping of shame simply because I would not even have a chance to make it work this time.

If things go well today, we may know something soon and I’ll know more about how to feel.  All I can do for right now is pray for him to find a school that he is satisfied with (and that will have him!) that is also far enough away from the family…and get my own materials in order.  I haven’t really got my resume updated or my e-portfolio added to–until today.  I’ve been resisting the urge to even look at possibilities for myself, because I know if I’m completely ready, I’ll just be here, waiting, nagging him and chomping at the bit… 

…He called me about the first interview, and it doesn’t look so good for the big school.  Not entirely sure what they wanted in a director, but he didn’t have the best feeling about it coming out.  Maybe it was too big a jump from a 1A school to a 5A school…

Going through the interviewing process for any school’s position as band director is stressful.  The first part, waiting for postings, is stressful, since you have to go on hearsay (where sometimes the director doesn’t even know their job is in jeapordy–here, I have experience) until you finally do see some official listings.  When you sort them out in order of preference, it is sometimes impossible to figure out which school has an opening inside of the city or county system where the posts are vague, and then researching the school can be equally as hard, even if you know which school is open, because the websites are diverse and often in disarray.  After you click the apply button/submit the paper application, you may still have some waiting ahead of you…waiting for the phone to ring, that is.  If, and when you are called, it may or may not be a formality (if their director is already “picked”) but you have no way of knowing until you hear about it later.  If you are called…well, there is no formula to ace the interview, since principals and other interviewers themselves are diverse.  Basically, a good fit for the school is anyone that can manage the band’s behavior and discipline, keep students working at ALL times, responsibly organize events, finances, etc., and basically keep the program going in the right musical direction.  It is the unknown x that sells a principal on their new hire…and this factor is something that they are looking for in a band director that you cannot possibly know, and you cannot try to be. 

For now, I can only hope that he has that special something that makes a principal decide to invite him on board, and let the rest fall into place.

Long Weekends

Well, I guess this Memorial Day weekend is going to be a wash–practically from coast to coast as I understand it.  No fun in the sun. No shorts-wearing while sitting on the grass for outdoor concerts. No matter.  I have nobody to hang out with for the traditional festivities anyway.  I am pretty bored with the silence and lack of company (my s/o is with his family camping, so I’m being deprived of precious weekend time with him), but I have plenty to do and think about.  I’m packing up my apartment to go…somewhere…but there’s not a move coming anytime soon that I know of or know where to. 

At this point, the plan is that either I’ll move in with my man or I’ll move somewhere closer to him, but live alone. We have beein in a long distance relationship since the fall of 2006, and it has gottent to the point that neither of us can take it much longer.  The actual requirements of such a move are not that simple, however and we have two major obstacles to overcome.  (1.)  He is under the gun to find another teaching position in Alabama somewhere that is at least a step-up from the 1A program that he almost got tenure with.  Sad state that Alabama is in, there weren’t enough teaching units to renew him and hire a new core subject teacher with only one teaching unit available. He is in the same position that I was–band director–so naturally English (or Math, or History, or Football Coach) wins. I honestly don’t think he’ll have a problem finding another position–he’s a really likable guy, and he has the endorsement of his current principal who really had no choice but to let him go.

And (2.) His parents do not, after five years of dating, know the first thing about our relationship, other than the fact that we are friends.  I am a secret because of our different races.  But we’re very much a match (although outward appearances would suggest otherwise) and very much in love with each other.  We decided that just as long as he can secure a job far enough away from his disapproving parents, we will live together. There’s a distinct chance that he won’t find a job far enough away to pull off living together undetected.  If he doesn’t find a job more than 30 minutes away from his parents, what then?  Or what if he finds a job very late in the summer? This part really scares me, because as part of our compromise, I’m waiting for him to find a job so that I can look in any nearby school system.  There’s a possibility that I will not teach if I wait too long this year.  There’s also a possibility that I will NEVER teach again…which I cannot come to terms with.

Maybe I’m not supposed to teach.  A bitter pill to swallow, but still, while the creator, fate, and my own choices push me further and further away from the bandroom, I have to recognize this as a possibility.  Further, I am not making this choice as a spouse; we are not married, although I have the ring he gave me that says “I would if I could.”  I am technically still a free agent, and I could decide to go look for my own teaching postion, get into competition with him for jobs right now, if I so desired.  He asked me the other day if I had put in any applications. My puzzled look and response of a simple and blunt “No” should have spoken volumes to him, but he doesn’t even realize that he holds all the cards. The reason that I am waiting is because if I were to get a job tomorrow in an area of the state that fits our needs, he wouldn’t pack up all of his stuff and come with me.  It is painful to realize that there is a double standard, but there is.  And rather than lose him, I am waiting for something to give so we can just keep going on with our lives, but in a place where we can do it together.

I have all this time on my hands to just think about the situation this weekend.  And this is a very long weekend, indeed.